SEVEN NIGHTS WITH SEVEN MEN...

That got your attention, didn't it!

Let me explain.

Two months ago a male friend invited me to go to the north of Scotland and share a house. Cheap as chips, love Scotland. I signed up!

Then it transpired that I'd have to share the house with 7 men. Was I phased, distressed? Not really. I wanted to go to Scotland! However my female friends and beloved frowned and predicted disaster. What would I do with seven men?

I'll tell you what I did! It was absolute bliss. Nobody asked me for an entire week HOW I WAS or indeed WHY I was doing anything. If I said no to anything the answer would generally be OK!

I went in and out, long walks on my own, lovely meals together in the evenings. I felt free and so incredibly relaxed.

I got to thinking about men and women (as you do) and their difficulties. This is what I came up with. Simplistic for sure (but then I'd think that....I am a woman and I like to complicate and analyse things) but interesting (I hope).


When I said that I did not understand the verbal instructions about the central heating, John instead of settling down for a long mull on what the instructions might or might not have been, got up and went to ask again! What a disappointment. I was really looking forward to spending a couple of hours speculating...and freezing in the process. Then I could have complained bitterly about the cold!

Lesson one : Men generally do not like to complicate things. If they do not understand something they tend to say so. Women love to complicate things just for the fun of it and will discuss endlessly what it was that somebody meant without even thinking of asking for clarification.

When I said to Rob, no I don't want to go for a walk with you. He said O OK. I was speechless, I had prepared this long rambling explanation about the why and he had just walked away from me. I felt cheated and abandoned, hurt and upset...actually I did not, what I felt was relieved because I did not have to go for a walk with anyone!

Lesson two : Men do not need to ask why and accept your answer as face value. Which drives women mad because they love the word WHY and its many ramifications. Also very often Women's answers are not straightforward and do require a why because what they really want is a bit of a chat or a way to complicate things which is what makes life so interesting!

When Alan said Lets sort this mess out looking at the sitting room, six men got up from wherever they were and stated sorting it all out. It had been a tip and in a few minutes all was spick and span. There had been no complaining about the mess, no sighing, no feeling put upon, no discussion about how and who would do what (and of course the why of everything).

Lesson three: Men are strangely organised in a completely disorganised way. Women are obsessed about order and need things to be done at a certain time in a particular order. Men tend to get on with things when they need doing. Women do things because they should or they think they should.

When Peter said could he have a lift to the station because he had to go back to Edinburgh, there was family trouble, David said I'll take you mate. Peter suggested 6.30am and David laughted. No, mate, make it more like 7.30. Peter said OK. Nobody asked how and why. I was itching to get the back story to this. I wanted to know how Peter felt and offer a lovely hug. David took Peter to the station. A while later Peter texted to say he'd arrived safely. Period. Aarrrrgglll.

Lesson four: Men talk about feelings in a completely different way to women. They don't chat about feelings, they tend to deal with them quietly. They do however know how to ask for help but the help required is often of a practical nature and they do not want to "talk about it". Women  need to share their feelings so that they can work out what those are and like to deal with them in company. They expect men to be part of the company. Men find the whole thing boring and irritating. Women then feel unloved and ignored.

and finally Lesson Five: spend a week with blokes and you might become one of them! But not quite. You'll be relieved to know that as soon as I got home the first question my lovely partner asked was "How are you feeling?"....man or woman?

Tis all for now.

With love

Baya

WHAT IS IT ABOUT THAT ROAD LESS TRAVELLED?

I was standing on the bridge over the River Spey. As you can see, it branches into two tributaries.

I looked left first and there is this lovely bit of river, smooth and calm, easily navigable, leading to promising lands (or so it feels).

Then I looked right to the narrow bit of the river, meandering and dangerous and thought, if I was in a canoe, this is where I should go. It would be much more interesting, really.

I had to wrench my gaze from the left tributary. It looked so peaceful and simple.

Joseph Campbell said Take the Road Less Travelled.

Then I thought again. Why would I want to paddle my canoe down that narrow, unpleasant looking arm of the river?

Because Joseph Campbell said...blah blah blah

And I thought some more (I am doing a lot of thinking up here in the snow and the ice, with the mountains looking on).

How many times in my life have I taken that Road Less Travelled and what happened?

I got on the wrong course and persevered head long into disaster. I stayed in a dead marriage for years. I tried to make things work out that were unworkable. I bought into Suffering is Good for You, it will make you stronger. I believed that "Wherever you go, there you are".

And yet, had I chosen the Road More Travelled...

I looked at the left hand side, smooth as silk, majestic and attractive.

The Road Less Travelled, dear friends, is full of brambles, dangerous and tricky. It demands so much efforts to follow it that frankly, I can no longer see the point of it. Imagine crossing the Sahara on foot instead of hiring a good couple of camels, a guide or ten or even better using a four by four. Why on earth would anyone want to do that?

The Road More Travelled, on the other hand, has many safe havens on it. People have been here before you. They have set up resting places.The brambles have been cut back. The grass is lush, easy to walk on. You might even meet others there who can teach you a few things.

Whereas on the other road, you will only meet haggard figures grimly trying to enjoy the agony. Do you think they will give you a helping hand?

I am off onto the Road More Travelled easier, better sign posted.

I wonder where it will lead me!

With love

Baya

Are New Year's Resolutions necessary Delusions?

31st December in conversation with friend. She says "Next year I am starting my healing business, I've got it all planned."

She has told me this every year for the past twenty years. No healing business, nothing, nada, not a sausage.

Got me thinking.

24th December, my son buys me a selection of  books on writing. Disappointingly Stephen King's "On Writing" recommends writing as the best way of writing.

Got me thinking.

1st January in conversation with self: "This year, I will write that book about the Clearances, watch me". I have said this for five years. No book, nothing, nada, not a sausage.

Got me thinking.

Do I want my dying words to be "I wish I had written that book"? 

Is the desire to write the book better than the writing of it? If I were to write the book, would my life then be empty of meaning? Sounds too Freudian to me!

What stops me from writing. I need the right laptop.  If only I had the right space, the correct desk, the perfect book, the ideal course. Needs that deny my need to write.

Because, don't get me wrong, I am desperate to write. I love writing, I do it in my head all the time. I have always been a writer.

What would you say to a potter who would dream a pot and never use clay? Is a dream pot as good as a real one? As fulfilling? Does it hold water?

Would someone who dreamt clothes and walked around naked be acceptable? 

No, that's not it. I am not naked. I have draped myself in my desire. If I wrote the book I'd have to unwrap myself and stand naked in front of the world. That's not right either. I would be naked.

The unfulfilled desire protects me. 

How much energy do I spend not writing? As much energy as my friend spends not creating her healing centre and may be, as much energy as you spend not (fill in the blanks).

I'll not spend another year with the desire being better than the action. That's not right. It's like wanting to have an orgasm, getting close to it  and yet never daring to. Its horrible!



HAPPY NEW YEAR!

DECEMBER 2012

Monday

If I open the curtains and its raining again…I am not going! No really, I refuse to be drenched to the skin again and carry wet straw into wet pens to fight the battle of keeping the wet pigs less wet than they already are. Everything takes twice as long as it should and everything is twice as heavy as waterlogged. Nobody said anything about endless rain. This time last year I was wingeing about the drought and how we should move out of East Anglia because it was too dry. The Gods are having a laugh. Of course, I go!

Tuesday

Not only did I get drenched to the skin twice yesterday but I fell over and hurt my hip and my pride…truly mostly my pride. I am not as fit and strong as I think I am or wish that I am or delude myself that I am. Cross with myself, the world, the Gods and of course the sodding (literally) rain!

Wednesday

Today is killing the turkeys day. People are milling about and the shed is empty of all the machinery. Five ropes hang there waiting. Execution day… Do you have any idea how difficult it is to kill a turkey? Two grown men with sweat pouring down their face, that’s how hard it is. I would love to be more turkey like when I face death. They don’t struggle or shout, rant and rave. They just hang there without a complaint. At least, we can let Flo roam the farm again. I missed her so much!

Thursday

Plucking fifty turkeys cuts your hands in some many little places and makes your fingers ache a lot. I wonder if people know how much work there is in their Christmas feast. Of course they don’t. Would they eat the turkeys if they knew? Would it make it better or worse? Our turkeys wondered around the farm and once they had told us about Flo and her harassing ways, had a generally good time. Mooched around a lot, ate a lot of whatever they could find, worms as well as corn and all, liked people and pigs and the farmer’s wife pansies (the pests) and nibbled as cabbage leaves. Short but sweet. Flo is happy if somewhat filthy. My back hurts

Friday

Winter Solstice and end of the world planned for today. Felt ridiculously scared. Nothing happened. The internet says that its because it happened on a very subtle level and that the people of the planet Zorg have changed my DNA…don’t want my DNA changed, really like my DNA. Internet says its because my Ego is too strong and I need to get rid of it. Like my Ego, A LOT…do pigs have an Ego? Turkeys might have had but they are all dead now so I cannot ask them…

Saturday

The dawn chorus has started again. I swear the birds know that the season has turned and are celebrating the return of the sun. And the hens have started laying again, just like that. They know! Spring is on its way…there are floods everywhere, it has not stopped raining for a week now. May be the end of the world has taken place when I was not looking. Pigs muddy, boots muddy, waterproofs muddy. Question uppermost in my mind…how do I clean the waterproofs and is it safe to put them in the washing machine…wish I was a pig and could walk around naked…actually no, I don’t! Flo and Fudge do not care…they having a wonderful time dancing around!

Sunday

I wish I did not like it so much, this pig girling thing…then I would not be exhausted, scared and wet a lot of the time (and I don’t even do it full time). It would be nice to wake up and the sun is shining. Wonder if we have indeed entered the Third Age (whatever that is) and that means we will be muddy for ever? Wonder what it must be like to be alive for just a few months for the purpose of being eaten at Christmas. Wonder if it would be better if I did not have so many thoughts in my head. Best get on with the milling then! Its been so wet that all the corn is damp which means we cannot use the trailer which means everything has to be done by hand, bucket by bucket! Powerful thighs guaranteed! Flo, Fudge, the pigs and me say…. Happy Christmas hope you enjoy the turkeys!

WELL... I NEVER...

Yesterday at around 3.30pm, the electricity went off...for 20 hours, that gave us a taste of things to come and I realised why I have been behaving so strangely for the past couple of years.

 Well strangely for the average english house dweller. Every day I clean the woodburner, stack wood inside the house, make sure there is wood outside that is dry and I can easily get to. I also put all the solar lamps to charge even if there is no sun.

 Back to yesterday. Lights off, heating off, cooker off...o dear..

The woodburner was on, kettle simmering on top. Just had to add my old Le Creuset cast iron pot with vegs in it to cook the stew and put some potatoes in the fire for later.

As the night drew in we realised the street lamps were off too and most of our part of the village was dark. Switched solar lamps on, one at a time and snuggled up.

Fed the fire, ate, drank tea, read, listened to our wind up radio...

Felt like a rehearsal. Actually was a rehearsal.

Did not know we use so much hot water, will have to see to that and get a bigger kettle. And all these hours in the darkness (comparatively) were strange on the psychy...we went to bed early

We were woken up in the night by men digging our road up trying to trace the fault and got power back this morning.

I have been so often told that I exagerate, I am a conspiracy theorist, I am too extreme...well last night, I was proven right and this morning I feel...well proud, I guess and a bit smug...o all right...a lot smug!

Whatever, whenever, we are ready for it!

PS. We lost internet too...this needs working on.

PPS. no photos...dark...

Money is Evil or how did I get myself in that mess....

Hey, I'm back, did not realise I had not written for two years but there it is and I am back. Today's great revelation is about money and I want to thank my friend Chris for his conversation this afternoon that made me work it all out.

I have been helping out on a farm for more than a year now and loved every minute of it. I did not get "paid" in cash but got plenty of meat and vegetables from the farm shop. The relationship with the farmer was easy going and on the basis of "Baya, you are helping us out, you do what you can and if it does not feel right or its too much for you, then don't do it". It worked very well for a whole year.

But of course, in my head the money matter was growing...people were saying, how are you getting paid, how much doe they pay you...and little by little I became convinced that I had to extract some hard cash from the farmer.

Eventually, he agreed to pay for my petrol. Victory, I thought and felt all valued and declared I now "worked" there.

Only....

Last week, suddenly, I was threatened with "the sack". I did something wrong and was told it was a "sackable offence"...may be they were joking but actually, there was a lot of shouting involved. I could not work it out and was very upset. What had happened to my lovely relationship with the farmer. Why was I told that I could not take this or that vegetable because they were too expensive, why was I expected to work harder, longer. Why did I start feeling anxious about going there to "work".

And then, suddenly, during that conversation with Chris, it became clear...money had entered the arena and changed everything! It did not matter what the amount was, what happened is suddenly they "owned" me. Unconsciously, I became an "employee" thus sackable, thus exploitable, thus expendable. My labour there was based on an exchange of gifts, now its based on cash and everything had changed.

Can I retrieve this situation by saying I don't want money anymore? Will we ever go back to the easy earlier relationship, either that or I shall leave because, guess what. I am getting "paid" but I no longer enjoy myself there. I am under an obligation and the worse of it is that I created it, I wanted cash, to be valued enough to be given crisp pound notes without of course realising that my value diminished as soon as money was involved.

Money is evil, I tell you!

SELF SUFFICIENCY

Baya happy  in the summer

Been having a rather though time in the past few weeks. Beavering away knitting my fingers to the bone. Tea cosies, mittens, flowers...work work work work. Stuff to sell. Stuff to make and stuff to sell. Stuff..

Then I sat down for the Samhain ritual, last Sunday and asked for a vision from the fire (as you do if you are that way inclined - if you are not, just think that I was meditating - oops that probably sounds dismissive but I mean it. Gazing into the fire, looking for a vision from the ancestors is a bit like meditating). The fire was good and strong and this ancestor came along and said : "Self-sufficiency is also about being sufficient to oneself".

It hit me there and then between my brows. I have been (once again, bitten by lady consumerism) dizzying myself instead of being self sufficient. Busy busy busy busy. How can I possibly be stressed and busy when the stress of  WORK has been removed (blessed be she who has removed it) from my life.

But you see, I HAVE BEEN PRETENDING TO WORK! Like a slave, I have knitted, dug, whatevered myself into a frenzy. Anything to not accept that I am no longer working, there is no need to be stressed, worried about money, etc. etc.

So as we enter the descent into the winter of the land, here is what I am going to do. I am going to go for Self Sufficiency and be sufficient to myself. How, I am not sure. It will start however with me stopping to pretend that I am working and that I am really really busy.

So if you hear me say those things, please tell me and I'll stop (if it was that simple). Do you fancy having a go yourself?

Happy descent....