Are New Year's Resolutions necessary Delusions?

31st December in conversation with friend. She says "Next year I am starting my healing business, I've got it all planned."

She has told me this every year for the past twenty years. No healing business, nothing, nada, not a sausage.

Got me thinking.

24th December, my son buys me a selection of  books on writing. Disappointingly Stephen King's "On Writing" recommends writing as the best way of writing.

Got me thinking.

1st January in conversation with self: "This year, I will write that book about the Clearances, watch me". I have said this for five years. No book, nothing, nada, not a sausage.

Got me thinking.

Do I want my dying words to be "I wish I had written that book"? 

Is the desire to write the book better than the writing of it? If I were to write the book, would my life then be empty of meaning? Sounds too Freudian to me!

What stops me from writing. I need the right laptop.  If only I had the right space, the correct desk, the perfect book, the ideal course. Needs that deny my need to write.

Because, don't get me wrong, I am desperate to write. I love writing, I do it in my head all the time. I have always been a writer.

What would you say to a potter who would dream a pot and never use clay? Is a dream pot as good as a real one? As fulfilling? Does it hold water?

Would someone who dreamt clothes and walked around naked be acceptable? 

No, that's not it. I am not naked. I have draped myself in my desire. If I wrote the book I'd have to unwrap myself and stand naked in front of the world. That's not right either. I would be naked.

The unfulfilled desire protects me. 

How much energy do I spend not writing? As much energy as my friend spends not creating her healing centre and may be, as much energy as you spend not (fill in the blanks).

I'll not spend another year with the desire being better than the action. That's not right. It's like wanting to have an orgasm, getting close to it  and yet never daring to. Its horrible!



HAPPY NEW YEAR!