DECEMBER 2012

Monday

If I open the curtains and its raining again…I am not going! No really, I refuse to be drenched to the skin again and carry wet straw into wet pens to fight the battle of keeping the wet pigs less wet than they already are. Everything takes twice as long as it should and everything is twice as heavy as waterlogged. Nobody said anything about endless rain. This time last year I was wingeing about the drought and how we should move out of East Anglia because it was too dry. The Gods are having a laugh. Of course, I go!

Tuesday

Not only did I get drenched to the skin twice yesterday but I fell over and hurt my hip and my pride…truly mostly my pride. I am not as fit and strong as I think I am or wish that I am or delude myself that I am. Cross with myself, the world, the Gods and of course the sodding (literally) rain!

Wednesday

Today is killing the turkeys day. People are milling about and the shed is empty of all the machinery. Five ropes hang there waiting. Execution day… Do you have any idea how difficult it is to kill a turkey? Two grown men with sweat pouring down their face, that’s how hard it is. I would love to be more turkey like when I face death. They don’t struggle or shout, rant and rave. They just hang there without a complaint. At least, we can let Flo roam the farm again. I missed her so much!

Thursday

Plucking fifty turkeys cuts your hands in some many little places and makes your fingers ache a lot. I wonder if people know how much work there is in their Christmas feast. Of course they don’t. Would they eat the turkeys if they knew? Would it make it better or worse? Our turkeys wondered around the farm and once they had told us about Flo and her harassing ways, had a generally good time. Mooched around a lot, ate a lot of whatever they could find, worms as well as corn and all, liked people and pigs and the farmer’s wife pansies (the pests) and nibbled as cabbage leaves. Short but sweet. Flo is happy if somewhat filthy. My back hurts

Friday

Winter Solstice and end of the world planned for today. Felt ridiculously scared. Nothing happened. The internet says that its because it happened on a very subtle level and that the people of the planet Zorg have changed my DNA…don’t want my DNA changed, really like my DNA. Internet says its because my Ego is too strong and I need to get rid of it. Like my Ego, A LOT…do pigs have an Ego? Turkeys might have had but they are all dead now so I cannot ask them…

Saturday

The dawn chorus has started again. I swear the birds know that the season has turned and are celebrating the return of the sun. And the hens have started laying again, just like that. They know! Spring is on its way…there are floods everywhere, it has not stopped raining for a week now. May be the end of the world has taken place when I was not looking. Pigs muddy, boots muddy, waterproofs muddy. Question uppermost in my mind…how do I clean the waterproofs and is it safe to put them in the washing machine…wish I was a pig and could walk around naked…actually no, I don’t! Flo and Fudge do not care…they having a wonderful time dancing around!

Sunday

I wish I did not like it so much, this pig girling thing…then I would not be exhausted, scared and wet a lot of the time (and I don’t even do it full time). It would be nice to wake up and the sun is shining. Wonder if we have indeed entered the Third Age (whatever that is) and that means we will be muddy for ever? Wonder what it must be like to be alive for just a few months for the purpose of being eaten at Christmas. Wonder if it would be better if I did not have so many thoughts in my head. Best get on with the milling then! Its been so wet that all the corn is damp which means we cannot use the trailer which means everything has to be done by hand, bucket by bucket! Powerful thighs guaranteed! Flo, Fudge, the pigs and me say…. Happy Christmas hope you enjoy the turkeys!

WELL... I NEVER...

Yesterday at around 3.30pm, the electricity went off...for 20 hours, that gave us a taste of things to come and I realised why I have been behaving so strangely for the past couple of years.

 Well strangely for the average english house dweller. Every day I clean the woodburner, stack wood inside the house, make sure there is wood outside that is dry and I can easily get to. I also put all the solar lamps to charge even if there is no sun.

 Back to yesterday. Lights off, heating off, cooker off...o dear..

The woodburner was on, kettle simmering on top. Just had to add my old Le Creuset cast iron pot with vegs in it to cook the stew and put some potatoes in the fire for later.

As the night drew in we realised the street lamps were off too and most of our part of the village was dark. Switched solar lamps on, one at a time and snuggled up.

Fed the fire, ate, drank tea, read, listened to our wind up radio...

Felt like a rehearsal. Actually was a rehearsal.

Did not know we use so much hot water, will have to see to that and get a bigger kettle. And all these hours in the darkness (comparatively) were strange on the psychy...we went to bed early

We were woken up in the night by men digging our road up trying to trace the fault and got power back this morning.

I have been so often told that I exagerate, I am a conspiracy theorist, I am too extreme...well last night, I was proven right and this morning I feel...well proud, I guess and a bit smug...o all right...a lot smug!

Whatever, whenever, we are ready for it!

PS. We lost internet too...this needs working on.

PPS. no photos...dark...

Money is Evil or how did I get myself in that mess....

Hey, I'm back, did not realise I had not written for two years but there it is and I am back. Today's great revelation is about money and I want to thank my friend Chris for his conversation this afternoon that made me work it all out.

I have been helping out on a farm for more than a year now and loved every minute of it. I did not get "paid" in cash but got plenty of meat and vegetables from the farm shop. The relationship with the farmer was easy going and on the basis of "Baya, you are helping us out, you do what you can and if it does not feel right or its too much for you, then don't do it". It worked very well for a whole year.

But of course, in my head the money matter was growing...people were saying, how are you getting paid, how much doe they pay you...and little by little I became convinced that I had to extract some hard cash from the farmer.

Eventually, he agreed to pay for my petrol. Victory, I thought and felt all valued and declared I now "worked" there.

Only....

Last week, suddenly, I was threatened with "the sack". I did something wrong and was told it was a "sackable offence"...may be they were joking but actually, there was a lot of shouting involved. I could not work it out and was very upset. What had happened to my lovely relationship with the farmer. Why was I told that I could not take this or that vegetable because they were too expensive, why was I expected to work harder, longer. Why did I start feeling anxious about going there to "work".

And then, suddenly, during that conversation with Chris, it became clear...money had entered the arena and changed everything! It did not matter what the amount was, what happened is suddenly they "owned" me. Unconsciously, I became an "employee" thus sackable, thus exploitable, thus expendable. My labour there was based on an exchange of gifts, now its based on cash and everything had changed.

Can I retrieve this situation by saying I don't want money anymore? Will we ever go back to the easy earlier relationship, either that or I shall leave because, guess what. I am getting "paid" but I no longer enjoy myself there. I am under an obligation and the worse of it is that I created it, I wanted cash, to be valued enough to be given crisp pound notes without of course realising that my value diminished as soon as money was involved.

Money is evil, I tell you!